I said YES!

What a surprise! My true love, baby daddy, and best friend proposed while I was on vacation in Sedona with my Mom. The planning took months and involved pretty much everyone but me. So there I was dumbfounded, elated, and totally taken by surprise in one of the most beautiful and spiritual places on earth. I said yes, in front of both of our families, but most importantly, our family, baby Declan. Commitment never felt so sweet.

Happy Birthday Dad

Tonight I celebrated you and your birthday. Baby, me, and some amazing apple pie...with ice-cream of course.

Baby has been kicking up a storm today...is there some spiritual tickling going on? I believe you've had something to do with that. 

I love my baby so much, it kills me that I don't get to share this amazing experience with you. In this realm anyway. But I know you're here as often as you can be, and without fail, whenever I need you. 

Rory says hi. 

I love you dad

'Quickening'....My Summer Solstice 2014

Or so that's what they call it.  I call it physical whispers of love from the inside. Or, tickles from
your elegant movements, my Baby my Love.

Oh what a trip this is. Only within the last few weeks have I felt your tiny body move within me. It's the most precious beautifully amazing feeling my body has ever experienced. Your sweet wee existence has already made such a grand impact on my life. So much love, excitement, and pure joy is all around me because you are here.

How appropriate that today is the The Summer Solstice.

“Summer is a celebration of the earth incredible bounty! Summer is a festival of this inner fire/power, the power that makes abundance and nourishment grow from tiny seeds.”

“The power that brings things to fulfillment, and expands and brightens our lives, that makes good things come from seed ideas and plans. And the warmth of the sun and the long, hot days continually remind us of how good it is to find a balance between intense activity and lazy, idle hours doing nothing.”

“Summer teaches us patience. The fruit is green until it’s ripe and you just can’t rush it. Something of the slow, sure rhythm of the time will enter into us if we let it; no, we can’t hurry things, but if we just relax and let go, things will reach their fullness without effort or ego’s striving on our part.”

“And as we watch the ripening and flowering and fruiting all around us, we can’t help but be moved by and grateful for the generosity of the Earth Mother, who gives says what we need so unstintingly. Summer is a perfect time to discover our earth connection; by receiving her gifts with respect, taking only what we need, and doing what we can to minimize our impact on the delicate balance of the planet, we strengthen and nourish the bond we were given a birth with the great parent who sustains us all.”                                                                    Cathy Lynn Pagano

Our next new chapter, filled with so much unknown... Where will we live? Am I exercising enough? Should I eat more fruit? What kind of parents will we be? Can you feel how much I already love you? 'Relax',' let go', and 'allow'. 

Tonight I celebrate this incredible being that is growing daily within my womb. That you my Babe, are safe, warm, nurtured,  and that you know and feel you are loved. Always. The rest, I'm sure will follow.

Dad

I miss you more than I ever could have imagined. And, you can't prepare for the unimaginable. Life has completely been altered in such an enormous way. The void is huge, the pain, mostly unbearable. Even the most happiest moments are clouded by a sadness while you are not here to share.

Today would have been your birthday. I remember last year our visit in Saskatoon. I took you to Earls. The red hat ladies, mom, good wine, good times. Your impatience with the photo I wanted of us. I actually don't have one of you looking at the camera with me as you were so distracted by those Red Hat Ladies....until we invited them into the photo ;-)

Mostly... I just wanted to say Happy Birthday

love connection vulnerability

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” CS Lewis

Facebook Delete

After things don't work out with your date of.....lets say 6 weeks. Is it appropriate to delete them from your facebook account?

At first I hesitated to the point of ambivalence. But now I am leaning towards pushing the eject button. I guess it comes down to do you want this person privy to your personal life? Your daily happenings, new 'friends', pictures, and social calendar? Its actually a bit creepy when you consider facebook stalking and how much information they have access too. Not to mention your access into their life. How is that doing in your quest to move on?

I've argued it all with myself. Not wanting to look like I care. Considering all the other 'friends' I have let into my facebook life...including some of those I'm embarrassed to say, I don't even remember meeting. But those random friends from high school or current friends of my sister, who lives in Saskatchewan, are arguably harmless. This is someone who I was once intimate with...who I am no longer intimate with...who is not a part of my life anymore.

I have to admit I've never deleted anyone before. Its true. I've been deleted it sucks. It hurt my feelings. I never confronted this person....mostly because I never cared enough. This whole ponder feels childish, but yet in today's social media dominated world...a worthy etiquette question.

I'll keep you 'posted'

My Chicago Top Ten

Top ten reasons why Chicago is the the most underrated city in America

10. Amazing food
  9. Art
  8. Famous architecture
  7. Shopping
  6. Left winged friendly peeps
  5. 24 hour fresh tacos
  4. Pizza
  3.  Lake Michigan
  2. Classic grungy blues bars
  1. Standing ovation reception from men just for  walking by x2

Thanks Jana for the best Birthday weekend getaway this gal has ever had! Love you!